I have come to the realization that I am almost completely controlled by fear.Things that other people do/obtain naturally are completely over complicated by this "phobia". Fear of rejection, Fear of procrastination, Fear of my own short comings, Fear of the lack of understanding and the things I am ignorant of. With that said, I have also realized that until I can logically rationalize the consequences of taking risks an seeking opportunities, I will not be able to achieve/accomplish or obtain the things in life desired. This is sums it up:
"Decidedly it will never have been given to me to finish anything, except perhaps breathing. One must not be greedy" - from the book Malone dies by Samuel Beckett
sorry for the prose. back to Skyrim.