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After recently viewing the (in a perfect world) award-winning Norton Anti-Virus ad featuring legendary legend Donald Dokken and crew, I got to thinking about Dokken. I mean really thinking about the guy. Not just in a passing "hmm...I wonder what he's doing now" kind of way" but more in a "hmm..." kind of way. You see, after witnessing Dokken being held at knife-point by an enraged frozen chicken, I began to realize that he might, perhaps, be a national treasure along the lines of Busey (either Busey, to be honest...son Jake has morphed into such an odd, post-Apocalyptic version of his dad that the two could become their own Troma offshoot). Let us briefly examine the reasons for my conclusion:

--the aforementioned commercial wherein aforementioned poodle-maned man-of-war terrorizes an innocent frozen chicken only to receive a spirited dose of his own medicine when said frozen chicken produces a switchblade knife...et tu, Brute, indeed!
--the Dokken song, Dream Warriors, and the video for aformentioned song named after (you guessed it) one of the better NOES movies (I enjoy abbreviating that because it looks perilously close to NOSE, a smelling device)

As far as support for my thesis goes, I posit a question: would Brett Michaels ever fight a frozen chicken? Could Vince Neil possibly combat Freddy Krueger? If the answer to either question is "no," then you must vote for Dokken.

Thank you.