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So stuffs been getting kinda tough. Tiger got picked up by animal control/ the animal cruelty division on Saturday after our gate was mysteriously left open. I was frantic trying to find him, it was really cold on saturday night and my baby has like no body fat. He shivers when it's in the mid 60's! So to my relief on Monday there was a card on our door from the animal cruelty division. Well relief is a relative term here. I called and left a message, the detective called back and asked me what was going on with my dog. I explained to her everything that had been going on. How 3 vets hadn't found ANYTHING wrong with him and everything we had been doing on the home front to try and get him back to normal. She was not buying it at all, which is fine i understand she deals with this everyday and unfortunately not all pet owners are as proactive about their pets or just don't have the cash flow to seek more treatment. What bothered me was that after her crack team of 3 vets couldn't find anything wrong with him either and had all of our vet records I was still being accused of not loving my pet enough and not doing enough. He went to the regular vet again yesterday to see if they could find something anything they may have missed but he's still coming up clean :( He has a specialist appointment today at 10:30 so I'm hoping the 7th vet is the charm and they find some tiny trivial thing wrong with him and we can fix it so he can be my baby for many years to come. I called the detective on our case and updated her on everything. She had already talked to my regular vet and had the test results and she apologized for accusing me of anything and passing judgement. I was happy that they could finally see i wasn't being a terrible mother and that I really did care. The really shitty part is if they don't find anything and we can't get him to put on weight really soon we have to get him euthanized or the city/state will take him away and do it anyways. So keep your fingers crossed so the vets find something today.

Dad's update is not quiet as bleak but it's close. He hasn't lost hope or motivation by any means but when I talked to him on the phone on Sunday night I asked how he was doing and for the first time he told me he didn't think he was doing too great. He had straight up lied to me for two weeks, kept texting me that he was busy or out of town or left his phone somewhere. I was sick so I couldn't go to his house and just wait to see him because in his condition i might kill my dad just by giving him a hug. I know he did it because he doesn't want us to hurt over him being sick but fuck I would rather have those last few moments with my dad then get a surprise phone call from my step mom one day. The holistic stuff doesn't seem to be working and he has an appointment with a conventional doctor on Monday. I just want to stop being sick so i can see my dad. I love him so much it's crazy. I know he feels bad b/c of the divorce and not seeing us so much because he was always busy working. I've told him countless times that it doesn't matter to me. That he was always there when I really needed him the most and no matter what he's still my dad. He's still my first hero.

The two most important males in my life are slowly dying and there's nothing I can do. I don't know what hurts more the possibility of them actually dying or the feeling that I can't DO anything about it. I hope these antibiotics take so I can spend some time with my dad already. I haven't seen him since the 15th of February and I hadn't seen him since early January before that. Thanks for reading guys.